Stories and Happiness

I desperately need to be going to bed right now, but I have so many thoughts running through my mind, that writing this post clearly takes priority.  That... and the fact that I kind of forgot I have a blog.  Do people even read blogs anymore?   But seriously, every time I write in this space, I promise myself that I'll be better, and commit to one blog post a month.  Ha! Yeah right!  That's like telling the Detroit Lions or Philadelphia Eagles they're going to win next years Super Bowl...it's never gonna happen!  Being a consistent blogger is never going to happen!

One thing I love is hearing people's stories.  Monday I decided to do a little self exploring.  One of the places I ended up was at the scenic overlook in Tahoe.  There was an older gentlemen there getting off his street bike.  He commented on how beautiful the view was.  We began talking, and he told me about his childhood in the Bay area.  He grew up in a home surrounded by almond trees.  Are you kidding me?!  I imagine a cute little farm house; vintage crown molding aligning the walls; a wrap-around porch; nestled between gigantic trees that he would climb for the sole purpose of eating the almonds, while sitting on a thick branch. I'm drooling over the thought of this!  Our conversation ended with him telling me to carry a knife wherever I go because, "society is shady."  He then sped off with his leather motorcycle attire. 

A couple years ago I was on the New York City metro and had an entire lesson on spices.  This lady explained where various spices originate, how mixing one works collaboratively with the other to make a new flavor.  Did you know that NYC has a culinary school that specializes specifically in creating new spices?  What do you even call yourself, an entrepreneur of spices? 

My point is, people are fascinating, and you can a learn a lot by listening.  Today I indulged in a TED Talk from a man by the name of Robert Waldinger.  He's a Harvard professor who was one of the many researchers in the Grant Study; the longest study of adult life in history.  For 75 years, researchers kept in contact with adult men; interviewing them and those who had close relationships with the individuals.  The study began when the men were teenagers, and continued  until their old age and/or death.  The objective was to find out what ultimately makes people happy and healthy. How I would have loved to be on that research team...interviewing people, and hearing their life stories from multiple perspectives...sigh.  It would have made a great Chicken Soup for the Soul read.  Just kidding....(my mom used to read that stuff--almost as cheesy as Hallmark).

Before I reveal what the study found, did you know that in a recent survey with millennials, when asked what their most important life goals were, over 80% said it was to become rich, and 50% of those same people said their other goal is to be famous.  Funny, we're talking about happiness, but have you seen what money and fame have done to Katy Perry lately?  Let us not forget the 2007 Britney Spears. Just saying....

So after 75 years, researchers finally figured out that the secret to health and happiness is dependent on uplifting and positive relationships with others (shocking, I know).  They even found that people who are consistently lonely live unhealthy, unhappy, and shorter lives.  This doesn't mean relationships with family, friends, coworkers, etc. have to be perfect; because let's be honest, sometimes people suck!  I think it's about making people feel good, being a good listener, and in most cases, putting someone else's needs before your own.  Yeah, I know, it's all stuff we've heard before...but doesn't that tell us something too?  Now don't get me wrong, I am no relationship expert, nor would I ever pretend to be.  I have made plenty of mistakes, and will undoubtably make more.  Nonetheless, I am so grateful for the people in my life, and I work to foster those relationships, because they are important to me--my people are important to me.      

So I went from telling you about how I like stories, to talking about relationships.  It correlates well in my mind, so just go with it.  That's all I'm sharing for tonight.

Toodles.

P.S. You can watch his TED Talk, here.

I Want You To Know

To my nieces,

I've been thinking a lot about the two of you lately.  Well, truth be told, I think about the two every day.  A lot has happened in the last year that has caused me to do a lot of self-reflection.  We need that sometimes.  There's a couple of things I want you to know:

Don't listen to anyone who makes you feel less than you really are.  You are precious gems from the rarest of stones.  Ignore those who try to belittle you, make you feel inferior, or tell you that you can't do something.   Instead, use those words as fuel to light the burning flame of greatness that is within you...{and then tell them to meet me by the flagpole so I can teach them to never mess with my nieces again-- if they know what's good for them ;) }.

Celebrate failure.  Growing up, we're taught to fear failure.  After all, failure means that we fall, we're insufficient, that we lacked effort or ability.  It's taken me many years to learn that it's simply not true.   Robert Kennedy said, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." I want you to think of failure as being on the path to greatness.  I have a formula for failure: risk, fail, risk again,  succeed.  So, don't run away from something that scares you. Stare at it in the face; take whatever it is head on.  When you're knocked down (because you will be), stand up, brush yourself off, learn from your fall, and try again.

Be good to people.  Build people up, never tear them down.  Life is hard enough, so be a light; a glimmer of hope to people.  It's the little things: holding the door open for someone, saying "hello" to person who is standing alone on the playground, even a simple smile can go a long way.  Whomever you're with, make them feel like they are the most important person in the room.

Have a story to tell.   There's a quote I heard in the movie, Me Before You; it resonated with me. "You only get one life, it's actually your duty to live it as fully as possible."  Try your best to live with no regrets.  Do the things you've always wanted to do.  Find a hobby that you love, and stick with it. Learn about something that interests you.  Experience life and all it has to offer. This way, no matter how big, or how small, you'll always have a story to tell.

Most importantly, always remember...

i love you. I Love You.  I LOVE YOU!  I actually don't think it's humanly possible to accurately describe the joy you bring to my life.  I love you from the tips of your toes, to the little strands of hair on your head.  Each time I look at you, I swear my heart is going to explode out of my chest.  I hope you always remember that.

Love you forever and always,

Auntie Alex

New York Streets: Greenwich Village

I've been in New York for nearly two full months now.  I still feel the need to pinch myself to make sure that living here is in fact my reality.  Every day is a new adventure; exposing the harsh realities of New York with its unwavering charm.  There's so much history, so many beautiful things to be seen, so much mystery waiting to be discovered, so many curious people living an unorthodox lifestyle.  I'd be doing myself a disservice if I didn't capture this time of my life with an insane amount of pictures.

A blog that I frequent, raescorner, has done a couple of "neighborhood tours."  Living in such a camera-rich city, I've decided to do the same.  I think I'll coin these blogs, "New York City Streets."

This first segment will expose Greenwich Village, in lower Manhattan.  This place has a strong history of Bohemian art.  In the '60's, "the village" is where artists found inspiration for their work.  Overtime however, commercialization made it too expensive for poor artists to survive, so they were forced to move to other surrounding boroughs, or New York neighborhoods. Still, Greenwich is known for NYU, Washington Square Park, and the Jefferson Library.

Next New York City Streets will feature Chelsea's Market.  

Dystopia Is The New Utopia

Remember that one time I challenged myself to Patti Digh's writing challenge?  If not, you can find that ambitious blog post here.  Well, life happened.  I realized that committing myself to one blog post a week was absurd. After all, I was at the beginning of the end of the school year.  Obviously I was in a delusional state of mind.  Secondly, while her writing is A-MAZING, I found myself bored with the writing prompts.  Each one seemed as though I was about to write a self-help "let me teach you how to live your life through my amazing example, because I'm rocking at this whole living life in the most virtuous of ways thing." 

Mrs. Digh, we need to set the record straight. I'm not amazing at life; in fact, sometimes I really suck at life.  The other day I had a little bit of road rage when a guy on a road bike cut me off (because bikes that involve pedaling should not be allowed in the road with other vehicles).  I also scream a few choice words whenever I stub my toe.  Oh, and sometimes I like to skip the last five minutes of my workout DVD, and make chocolate chip pancakes instead.

While I'm all for the happy-go-lucky, inspiring writing, I'm also a fan of realism: depicting the world for what it is, and not what it could be.  Sometimes life is going to suck, and let's be honest, misery loves company.  That's why someone fabricated reality T.V. and gossip magazines.  We indulge in other peoples misery to make ourselves feel better.  At least that's what I do when I watch The Bachelorette.

Moral of this post: I'm keeping this blog real.  I'll be writing about the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I will also make no apologies for any punctuation/grammar errors I make (like the millions of run-on sentences in this post).

I've been hanging with Goole and Pintrest lately, and have found some writing prompts that I'm actually excited about.

Stay Tune.

Useful Life Lessons

Life: Just over a month ago, I was on a late-night flight home from New York.  My sister-in-law and niece accompanied me.  We landed at what was 2 am New York time.  When our plane stopped at our gate, I took off my seat belt, smiled down at Gabby, and noticed a sudden furrowed brow.  The next thing I know, she sternly belts, "NO!" and sucker-punches me right in the face.  I can't blame her.  A tired two year old who had been contained on a nonstop, five hour flight, stuck in between her mother and overzealous aunt...I would have punched me too. I just hope that one day she doesn't view me as that aunt.  You know, the old aunt that you dread to see because she wears thick maroon lipstick that somehow ends up all over your face, smells like an old lady who lives with cats, and wears outdated Avon perfume. Please God, don't let me be that aunt.

Lesson: Don't mess with a grumpy toddler.

Life: A couple of weeks ago I arrived at school around 6:40.  I was preparing for what I was predicting to be a long day. As I was walking back from the copy machine, I suddenly noticed that something didn't quite feel right.  I cringed in horror when I looked down and noticed that I had two different pairs of boots on.  One boot had a heel, and the other boot was flat.  There was no time to run home and change, so I just went with it. Maybe I would start a new trend like Regina George in Mean Girls.  All I got out of that day was sarcastic comments from my students/coworkers, and a sore hip.  

Lesson: Don't be irresponsible with Netflix by staying up too late on a school night.

Life: It was a perfect spring day.  I had 100 things on my to-do list, but decided to veto them all.  I sat on the grass in shorts and a tank-top, and let my pale skin soak in the suns glorious beams of warmth, while reading a book.

Lesson: The to-do list will still be there tomorrow.  

Life: There's a commercial airing on T.V. that annoys me to no end.  It's advertising one of those cheesy online dating websites (which I don't believe in for many reasons, but hey that's just me). Anyway, some 'random' guy on the street is asking this lady how her dating life is.  She basically says that it's horrible because she's relying on her friends to set her up with the 'perfect' guy.  The sales person gives his whole spiel, and at the end asks: Now, who knows who the right guy is for you?  To which the lady replies,  I guess, me.

1. She uses the phrase, "I guess."  Lady, where is the self-confidence you should have for yourself?!
2. Why do online dating commercials always make it look as though the woman is always the desperate and single one???

So now to my point.  I've had a lot of big decisions I've had to make in the recent months.  Lucky for me, I am surrounded by loving family, friends, and mentors who want nothing but the best for me. There have been so many thoughts and advice from people coming from all different directions, that I began to doubt my own credibility, and myself.

Lesson: I had to learn to listen to my own instincts/heart, and be confident with the decision I've made.  I think it's so important to seek advice from those you trust, but even more important to have trust and peace in yourself.  After all, Audrey Hepburn did say, "Nothing is impossible.  The word itself says, 'I'm Possible'!"

Josefa Martinez: My Grandma

My dearest abuelita,

Today is your 82nd birthday.  I have a feeling you're with Grandpa right now having a big fiesta.  You were always so good at planning big parties.  My favorite birthday of yours was four years ago when Mari threw you a surprise party.  I will never forget how much we danced that night. You looked so happy, and so in your element.

I've been feeling nostalgic about you lately, and I mean everything about you.  Your laugh, your smile, the way you carried yourself with the utmost propriety.  I used to love watching you get ready at your vanity when I was a little girl. The way you would flawlessly put on lipstick, and the way you carefully chose the best jewelry to go with your dress for mass.  Your beauty radiated such power, yet such poise.

I want you to know that I look up to you, Grandma.  Mari gave the most beautiful eulogy of your life. I learned many new things about you, things that I've never heard before.  I just want to say thank you.  Thank you for being strong. Thank you for always standing up for what was right, and being the voice for those who didn't have one.  Thank you for your kindness, your charity, and most of all, thank you for your love.  I am proud to have your blood running through my veins.

***The eulogy below was written by Mari and Alex Palau.  Please take the time to read the beautiful story of a beautiful woman.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Josefa: A Firey Woman

Many are the women who have fought necessary battles to claim their own right to live a free and fair life, for themselves, for their families and for those in need.

Josefa has been one of those women that has stood up and fought the good fight.

As a young girl, the eldest of her family of 9 siblings, she was raised,  “En un ambiente de servitud; las mujeres, sirven a los hombres de la familia.” (Women are to serve men”)

Although Josefa learned the traditional roles of a woman; to respect and serve the men and to care for the children, she did not do it with a bowed head.  Josefa was a proud woman and she knew that a woman’s place was to serve out of a sense of Love, not duty to some false sense that a man was in some way superior to a woman.

In a culture and a time where women were duty, bound and tied, Josefa struggled to hold true to service in Love and fight against the injustice of being thought of as less, because she was a woman.

In her own words, Yo era muy pelionera. Me llamaban “Juana Gallo” because if anyone disrespected her younger siblings, she would make sure to stand up for them and strike a blow or two for justice.

But Josefa grew up in a home where a woman was the first one up in the morning, patting the masa back and forth between her hands to make fresh tortillas, and allowing the inviting smell of tortillas cooking on the comal, be the call for all to awaken to the day. Feeding the family and sending them off with meals for the day was followed by long hours of doing chores by hand, chores now made easy by our appliances.  

As the eldest child of the family, Josefa wanted to help provide for her family and took a job as a nursing assistant in a Catholic hospital. She took the job even though her father wanted her to stay at home. She chose her path, worked with pride in the hospital and when one of the nuns treated her with disrespect, giving her just the most menial cleanup jobs, she chose to walk away. The mother superior called her back and convinced her to continue her good work in the hospital, which she did, bringing her earnings home to her father and mother.

Along this time she met Arturo, her true Love, although then, he was just a young man who impressed her with his good looks, good manners, wit and charm.

Arturo would come to the hospital at the end of her day to walk her home and the nuns confronted Josefa about the intentions of this young gallant, and she assured them that he was kind and respectful. Arturo however, was also a man, “en la busca por una mejor vida”, so he emigrated to San Francisco leaving Josefa behind, while he made his better life.

Josefa stayed in Nuevo Laredo and took a job at a factory.  It was there that an employee’s careless actions, resulted in an injury to Josefa that broke her pelvis and she remained hospitalized for three months. She received a meager monetary settlement from the factory, but it was that money which gave her the resources to pay for legal counsel and apply for citizenship papers for herself and her family.  She was a young woman taking on responsibilities beyond the expectations of her gender and limited experience, but she pushed forward with the help that God provides when there is important work to be done and when the work was done, she walked with her brothers and sisters legally across the border, leading them to a better life, and a home she helped pay for with her settlement.

Arturo eventually came back for her and although she cautioned him that she had suffered injury and feared she was not whole, he did not see her as broken and promised that love would heal the wounds. They were married and Josefa often told the story that on their wedding night, Arturo brought her back home to her father and said he would return for her in the morning. She saw that as a great sign of respect and moral character on my father’s part; and she was right. Her husband Arturo, my father, was a great man and I thank my mother, for she could not have chosen a better husband nor a better father for her children.

Arturo brought her here to San Francisco and they enjoyed a great life here, spanning 54 years. Josefa raised her family like she was raised, with stern words and a firm hand, yet time and the love taught her to soften and to open her heart to her children, to her grandchildren, to her great grandchildren and to the extended family and friends her children brought into her life.

Through the church and her community life she has been of good service to those less fortunate: joining in efforts to raise funds for the orphans of Salamanca, taking into her home the sick and homeless, providing a home for her family when they were in need, visiting the sick in hospitals, standing up for those in need.

She always found ways to keep fighting for those in need or those oppressed.

I think in all her life, Josefa did not forget her humble beginnings, nor did she forget the example set by her mother Lupe, who would make tacitos for the homeless that wandered by their doorway hungry and even feed babies her own mother’s milk, when their mothers could not.

Josefa was a proud woman, she fought the good fight, learning over a lifetime how to fight for a good cause and how to stop fighting, for the cause of Love. She raised a good and caring family and has proudly enjoyed many birthdays and many weddings with her 4 children her 10 grandchildren and 11 great grandchildren.

She celebrated 54 years of marriage to a great man.

She has been rich in friendship and enjoyed much laughter and lots of dancing with her loyal circle of friends, who have kept her spirits high after the passing of Arturo. Just a few months ago, she celebrated a wonderful Christmas with her family in Laredo, her sisters, brothers, nephews, nieces and extended family, reunited y pasandolo bien.

 In her final days, mom was lovingly cared for, not only by the women of the family, but also by the men of the family. Jess, Fili,  Juan, and Alex assisted her in all aspects of her care; none of the men relinquished their responsibility. Mom taught us to love, serve, and support our loved ones and the community at large despite our gender. All should serve in the name of love. Our family will now carry on those virtues, and if needed we will channel the spirit of , “Juana Gallo” to help fight for love and what is right, so look out!

And now, I am here, as her daughter, to say that from what I can see, my mother has lived a good and full life. And in her name, I thank all of you who have been so important to her, as her family and her friends.

Dicen que los muertos no se pueden llevar las riquesas de este mundo, pero estoy segura que mi mama se lleva el amor de todos aqui. (They say the dead cannot take earth’s riches; but I am sure my mother has taken with her all the love that is here today…)

Vaya con Dios mami; The angels await you, your parents Juan and Lupe await you, and your love eternal,  Arturo, awaits  you. Go and basque with them in the light of paradise and continue dancing, laughing, and rest in eternal peace….One day we shall meet again....

Until we meet again....

Joy

Alex here.  Due to my spring break vacation, and an unexpected trip to San Francisco, I missed last weeks writing challenge.  The prompt was, what things bring me joy.  They say pictures are worth a thousand words, so without further ado: my happiness in pictures.

Family.

My niece, Gabriella.  I could kiss that chocolate stash right off of her.

Life-long friends.

New York City.

 Traveling and beautiful places.

Music/Singing/Broadway.

Learning.

Adventures.

Being in the kitchen.

Being active and tumbling.

I am a firm believer that it's the simple and creative things in life that bring us the purest kind of  joy and happiness.